Who Are the People on Your Board?

I don’t know about you but as I get older I become more aware of people’s purpose in my life. I certainly don’t say that from the perspective of what I can get from or out of someone, but more from the perspective of the value they bring into my life.

As I delve deeper into the concept of self-care and the pieces that need to be in place for continued success, I am quite cognizant of how those around me are contributors to my health and well-being.

On a bi-monthly basis my team and I take turns facilitating team meeting where we bring different topics that are of interest to us that we wish to share with each other. Today one of my co-workers brought forward the topic of agile leadership and the importance of having a support system or network of people who support your growth. Now while our conversation was focused on the work environment and professional development, she posed a question that even as I write this blog has hit me quite profoundly and that is “who sits on your Board of Directors?”

Now I am not talking about a traditional Board of Directors that you would find in a not-for-profit or Fortune 500 company – I am talking about the people around you that support, empower and challenge your mandate for health and well-being. In a document that was also provided to facilitate the conversation it provided a description of the various positions that made up your board such as your “cheer leader” “wise counsellor” “peer support” and mentor…and it got me thinking – while I am in charge of my self-care, the effort in which I put into myself is also enabled by those who’s energy, power, support, honesty and love I garner.

Like real talk – who sits as a member of your Board of Directors? While self-care is driven by our desire to create a better version of ourselves, like a car or any moving mechanism, it also requires the support and positive interaction of key parts – in this case those around you. I could and would never speak of the success of my self-care without acknowledging those who sit as active and engaged members of my Board. On the flip side to that – the relationship I have with myself has set the tone for the relationship I have with members of my Board (so basically I love them cause I LOVE my damn self…lol).

Those who we invite into our lives are the human manifestation of how we value our own self-care. Clearly this is not a perfect science and there are always exceptions to the rule but I would ask anyone reading this to think about who sat on your Board during a bad period in your life and who sat on your Board during a good period in your life and see if those people are the same? Again not a perfect science but I am also almost sure that many of those that were either feeding you negative shit or keeping you in a negative space didn’t become your “cheerleader” when you decided to change your journey to one of self-love, self-worth and self-care.

It’s funny how my mother’s constant reminder about “you are the company you keep” has come to mean so much more than just not partying with trifling Tina (I am not speaking of ANYONE in particular). The company you keep supports your ability to put yourself first because you do so knowing that those around you want you to become a better version of yourself (as you do for them).

My journey of self-care is far from over, but I think what is evident from my transformation to date is that I have the best Board ever!

DISCLAIMER: Not everyone who sits on my Board is present in this picture so please do not take offense! However what it does mean is that you missed out on my bday celebration which is a WHOLE other blog!

And like that… I am back!

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I am back peeps!!!! Would you believe that it has almost been 6 years to the day when I kicked-off my very first blog post under my original blog ‘Diary of a Mom.’ Not sure if some of you remember that blog where I talked about the highs and lows of being a fairly new mom to two daughters. Well fast forward six years and I upped and had another baby who is now a three-year old boy! So truth be told the real title of this new blog should be “Yas(the contraception) owes me money”…lol.. but because I want to demonstrate my more grown up side…lol.. I have opted for this far more mature blog title!

I literally feel like I could write a novel right now – the sheer enjoyment I get from writing/blogging is quickly coming back to me as I think about all that I want to say right now. What I will say right off the bat is that what I write about is based SOLELY on my personal life experiences. If what I have to say resonates with you – amazing! If what I have to say rubs you the wrong way or does not align with your beliefs or your experiences – bye Felicia (Ice Cube’s voice (six years may have passed but my charm has remained in tact..lol))

As we move into a new 365 day cycle, many of us are reflective about how we aspire to make this year different from the year before (whatever that means for you). I am not one who believes in resolutions, but I do believe in becoming a better version of who you were the year before. I am also cognizant that self-improvement requires a great deal of selfreflection, self-work with a touch of selfishness. Though selfishness is not a revered attitude and somewhat of an oxymoron when combined with the word ‘woman’, I am of the position that selfishness (within reason) is both needed and fundamental to creating a space and opportunity for self-awareness, self-actualization and self-care.

As mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, partners, workers and friends more often than not we find ourselves giving to others more than we give unto ourselves. As a working mother of three I have become pretty proficient in the art of selfishness. Certainly not to the detriment of my family and those close to me, but certainly to the benefit of my self-care. As I continue to transition through the next phase of my life journey (countdown to 40 is on!) I find myself being studied and questioned (sometimes positively and sometimes negatively) for the time I take by myself and for myself. I recognize that perhaps this is not the norm and an area of struggle for many women and so part of this blog is to explore the art of selfishness for the purpose of self-care.

I do not assign myself to be an expert of any kind – only a master of my own life as I move through being me to we to moi. While I am compelled to explain the rationale behind this blog title, I hope that what I share with all of you sheds light on not just the title (unless you have already figured it out) but starts a conversation about the importance of self-care (for you) in its rawest and most honest state.

“Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others” ~ Parker Palmer

I welcome and look forward to all that my blogs conjure up – the good, the bad and the ugly!

Aisha

I am vs I want to be

How many times in a day, week, month do we tell ourselves… “I want to be” or “I plan to be” blah blah blah. How many times in a day, week, month do we say “once I finish X” or “as soon as I complete” ray ray ray I will be a (blank space). What if what we were seeking to be was what we were and all that was required was to say ‘I am.’

Now clearly you can’t be ridiculous and go around saying shit like I am a doctor, or I am rich or I am a geologist when you actually aren’t even close to being any of those things (that is just straight up lying) – but what if we stopped aspiring to become something and instead recognized that we were the things that we were aspiring to be!

Today I will use myself as the example. As you know last month I embarked on a new journey to become a health coach. While I am only 4 weeks into my 6 month certification I would be lying if I said I have never been more sure that I have moved into my purpose, and though I am on this journey and confident that this was the path that I was to take, when I speak of where I am on this journey I find myself saying “I want to become” instead of “I am.” Yes I have not completed my certification and still have much learning to do, but yes I AM A HEALTH COACH.  Speaking about myself in the active tense is uncomfortable because I feel like it implies that I have achieved the certification (which I have not) which therefore implies that I am not being truthful, but in fact I am being truthful because what I AM is a health coach. What I am doing is a certification in health coaching that will provide me with more tools in my tool box to better support those that I work with. Now my sentiments may seem like a semantic play on words but here is my question – how do we navigate our way to a single purpose if what we are seeking to become is not what we already are. I didn’t just randomly select health coaching from a rolodex of things that I wanted to add onto my already full plate. No. I moved into this path because health coaching is part of my core and something that I practice daily. My best friend who completed her certification as an event planner didn’t randomly select this avenue for shits and giggles, but formalized a passion that saw her legit event plan anything that had more than five attendees!

We need to stop chasing after our passion and purpose and acknowledge that we are living it and anything we do that aligns with our passion or purpose is to further empower, strengthen, build or certify what we are. West Indians love to tell you to speak things into existence so that what you are wanting can become your reality. But what we need to do is speak in the active tense so that those around us know who we are.

Speaking in active tense is hard AF because there is comfort in hiding behind time associated with “becoming something” but I am no longer becoming something… I AM A Health Coach.