So it’s 2019…and that means that I am officially turning 40 this year (August 26th to be exact!). Turning 40 is not something I am afraid of – truth be told it is a chapter of my life journey that I am so looking forward to exploring. My journey to this point certainly has not been linear, nor has it been a well thought out plan, but what it has been is empowering.
You see we come into this world as a ‘me.’ The things we do, the choices we make, the friends we chose to hang out with are all to feed our understanding of who we believe me is. I don’t say that negatively, I just say that because if I look back on some of the decisions I made and the company I kept, it could have only been based on my understanding of “me” which was limited by the experiences (or lack there of) that I had at that moment in time.
As I navigated the world as me, I would eventually transition to a ‘we’ as I became a wife and a mother. The things I did, the company I kept, the decisions I made, the direction I chose to take in a variety of circumstances was within this new lens. I think for many of us, especially as women, this stage presents and provides a source of comfort but also becomes our source of disappointment, fear and negativity. While we want to believe that we are making decisions that are in our best interest, as we find ourselves in the middle or end of a decision, in some circumstances we are left feeling indifferent, even unfulfilled – the reason being that the outcome of the decision we made partially benefited us, but more those around us. Now before you go throwing your hands in the air citing that I am a selfish &!$# just hear me out.
When I made the choice to become a wife, more so a mother, I understood that I was forgoing certain choices that solely benefitted me in the name of my family. At no time during those moments did I feel annoyance, anger, resentment or frustration at making decisions that were for the greater good because I knew that much of my happiness was contingent on the happiness of my family unit. What I also knew was that the collective thought and decision-making process was not a lifelong decision making process, and like the ‘we’ stage would transition to a new and empowering stage – moi.
For those of you who know me, you know I am born and raised in Quebec and so the word ‘moi’ is french for the word ‘me’. But beyond that, it is also to identify as a more elevated version of the word me. Think about it…how many times have you ever said “oh no dahling, not moi!” I feel like whoever is reading this is saying “I have never fuckin said that”… (just pretend like you have cause I am trying to make a damn point)
I digress…while I have not completely transitioned to the “moi” stage (because I still have kids that are heavily reliant on the decisions I make) what I can tell you is that things I do, the decisions I make, the successes I have had and the company I keep is because of moi! Moi understands that the body is a temple and what we put into it, is what our soul reflects to others. Moi understands the importance of creating balance in her life so that feelings of overwhelmingness, stress and anger do not overpower feelings of joy, peace and connectedness. Moi believes that you owe yourself the love and time that you freely give to others. And Moi understands that taking care of yourself doesn’t mean ‘me’ first, it means me too’.
The truth is self-care is not easy because it isn’t pretty. Last week I shared this really interesting article on Facebook that talked about the fact that real self-care wasn’t about bubble baths and chocolate but about doing all the raw and not so fun things that come with adulting in an effort to self-care. The thing about doing self-care that way is that you aren’t putting a bow on figurative shit but instead eliminating all the negative crap that impedes true self-care. I by no means have perfected the art of self-care, nor do I not find myself (on occasion) creating a pretty picture out of something foul, but what is real talk is the value I place on moi.
I am unapologetic for the time that I take for myself to care for myself…because I refuse to take what is left of me over what is the best of me.
