I want you to do something for me. Close your eyes and think about all the things that have impacted you negatively over the last week. Whether it was something that was said to you or something you heard someone say about you or a vibe you picked up from someone or just simply it is a space you have been in for awhile, how did it make you feel physically, mentally, psychologically even spiritually? How did you address it? How did you get past it? Are you even past it?
Cause here is real talk. While many of us often say we don’t care about how others perceive us, how people receive us, what people think about us and what people say about us – the truth is we do care and it does have an impact on us. Do you know how many times I have found myself at the receiving end of someone’s bullshit and acted like it didn’t bother me and I didn’t give a fuck, yet all I did was reenact how I really wanted the outcome to be -like me getting on bad and giving them a piece of my mind! Ya’ll may be laughing, but I am sure this has also been a situation you have found yourself in.
You see the concept of holistic self-care dictates that including healthy eating, moving our bodies and putting ourselves first, emancipating ourselves of negative self talk, people’s bullshit and actually NOT giving a fuck puts us on a trajectory to peace, power and positivity. Think about this dichotomy. As we rear our children (whether you are the parent, guardian or part of the village) what do we always tell our children? Do not allow other people’s negativity to impact you. People may say hurtful and mean things, but their sentiments or opinion about you are their own. We drill this shit into ur kids heads. We speak of our own experiences when we were that age or even create scenarios they may be confronted with, but what remains consistent is our determination to build a protective layer around them where negativity cannot penetrate. Yet as we get older, become more in tune to our surroundings and fully aware of the world around us, the lessons that we have worked so hard to teach our kids is somehow null and void in how we take-in negativity. So what the hell gives?
Disclaimer: Everything that I am about to say from here to the end of this blog is my opinion and my opinion only. What I say is not grounded in evidence only personal experience and observation.
What gives is that as we get older we begin to create more labels for ourselves. We are mothers, wives, friends, lovers, girlfriends, doctors, engineers, pilots, flourists and the list goes on. With the creation of every label comes a list of expectations that are associated with that title. And within these expectations are limits of how we are to behave, how we are to present ourselves, what we are supposed to say and what we are not supposed to say. When we start to act outta pocket (I love that term and have literally been waiting forever to use it in a blog…lol) or go against the created grain WE start to self-judge and self-hate leaving ourselves (and sometimes inviting) vulnerable to negativity. It is not that we are seeking for bad shit to happen to us, but we are certainly creating the conditions for negative things to come our way. Certainly we must hold ourselves accountable for how we show up in the world. I am definitely not saying that you have the right to act like a complete jackass, but what I am saying is emancipate yourself of the expectations determined by your labels and just be you. Understand that people may not like you. They may not want to be around you. Fuck they may even make it their business to let others know who they believe you to be – but yo – when you live in your truth, we live in the state that we work so hard to build for our children.
As of midnight tonight I am officially 26 days away from turning 40, and will be another 26 days emancipated of anyone’s negative bullshit. Have I always been in this place – hell fuckin no. As a matter a fact – there was a time in my life where I allowed labels to stifle who I was in an attempt to make others comfortable with who I was. While those moments were filled with allot of negative inner dialogue and turmoil, I am grateful for those moments because I know where I will never be again.
You see, the idea of emancipating yourself isn’t about declaring your freedom to those who wish to or have created hardship for you. Au contraire. The power of emancipating yourself is the changed inner dialogue that when someone tries to get outta pocket with you, the ONLY thing you ask yourself is if you remembered to unplug the kettle before you left your house this morning!
#idontgiveafuck
