Have you ever just randomly yelled out the word ‘NO’…not for any particular reason other than to feel how it felt in your body when you belted it out (very fuckin librating). Do you remember back in the day when they used to show you those self-defense classes on commercials and the man with the mullet would encourage his female student to yell ‘NO’ with every eye poke or karate chop…do you remember the feeling it illicited as you put yourself in her shoes…liberating! So if the appearance and thought of saying the word no seems so powerful and impactful, why the hell don’t we say it more often?
My husband has a running joke that no matter what he asks me (even sometimes before he finishes his question) my answer is no! According to him I say no just because I can …and to that I will say absa-fuckin-lutily! So here is the thing…and I should say that this blog was inspired by a meme that was posted by the bae on her instagram page… saying no to someone’s request means that you are saying yes to yourself. And saying yes to yourself is a fundamental step in self-care. Remember this people- self equals me and me does not equal you so yes to me means no to you…you get it!
So the question I ask then is (cause clearly no blog is complete without a question)…why do we struggle to tell people no? Is it because we don’t want to disappoint people? Is it that we are uncomfortable with people’s more than likely negative reaction when they hear the word no? Are we fearful of appearing selfish because we have decided to put our needs above someone else? Are we a people pleaser? Honestly the list can go on…so let me put this to you.
If someone comes and asks you to do something for them, this mean they have made a conscious decision to satisfy a need of their own that they hope is facilitated by or through you. By you saying no to them, you are actually replicating what they have done for themselves which is to put yourself first and so they don’t really have a reason to be mad!
Here is the thing about the word no. We need to stop thinking of this word as a catalyst for the disappointment of others, but more about showing up for ourselves. I understand that there are expectations and societal “norms” that say that selflessness is the demonstration of someone’s commitment to those they love…but how does one demonstrate their level of commitment to themselves? Very simple – JUST SAY NO!
The art of self-care is not an easy journey because as you begin to say yes to yourself more, you inevitably are saying no to others. As we begin to focus the attention on ourselves we are also shifting the equilibrium of those who have grown accustomed to us always saying yes. Is this process easy – absolutely not. As a matter of fact I am sure there are some of you who are quietly stressing at the thought of tellig a loved one no… but just as the mullet lays free on the back of the man in the 80s self-defense commercial…give yourself permission to belt out the word NO as a demonstration of your commitment to protecting your physical, emotional and mental well-being.
You see our responsibility is not to provide an explanation as to why we have said no to them, but instead why we have said yes to ourselves.
