So today I shared an article that said “Jada Pinkett-Smith says her inner circle is a representation of your self-love”. While I didn’t have the time to read it, the title alone resonated with me as I reflected on the many women in my life that have been ridin’ for me for years -loving me, supporting me, empowering me and encouraging me to go beyond even the limits I set for myself.
Fast forward about 9 hours from when I shared the post, I am now sitting in my kitchen alone (my kids are at my in-laws for the night and hubby it out with a friend – TGI muthafuckin FriYAY!) I am enjoying a nice cold glass of Perrier eating some amazing Lebanese and reading her article. As I peruse through her words of love and encouragement I get stuck on a paragraph. It says “when there is no one left to blame for your deficit of joy, energy, and passion, you have to realize that maybe, the culprit of your unhappiness wasn’t your man, your job, or your circumstances. That culprit was you.” Well shut the front door!
As I read that paragraph yet another time, I can’t help but think about all the times I put my power in someone’s else hand. You see, we seek and in some circumstances demand acceptance, acknowledgement, encouragement and love from others, and yet when it is not given or delivered in a manner that we deem right or appropriate we quickly denounce the person or thing as not being capable of fulfilling our need. But I ask you to think about this. How are we really capable of condemning someone for not loving us the right way if we can’t measure their love against our own yardstick.
I mean how many damn movies out there play out the same way. Woman loves man. Man loves woman. Woman is frustrated because she feels like man doesn’t love her enough. Man asks woman what does she want and need. Woman has no fucking clue! You want to know why she has no clue. She has no clue because the movie missed the most important part of the story. Woman loves herself enough that man’s love is the addition NOT the completion.
Self-love is fundamental to self-care. If you don’t love yourself then what desire do you have to take care of yourself. If you don’t love yourself, what desire do you have to invite only authentic and good people into your space. If you don’t love yourself, how do you know when it is time to rid yourself of the things that don’t bring value to your life. The truth is – you don’t. Instead you waste your time in relationships and interactions that bring you nothing but stress and devalue you.
Is this a perfect science – absolutely not. I mean let’s be real- I love the hell outta myself and I still encounter shitty people. The difference is, it stays solely as an encounter!
The love you have for yourself should be the measuring stick by which you measure all of your relationships. And when you come to a place where the love you have for yourself runneth over, then you need not worry about who is in your circle – because the right ones will be there.
