Being GRATEFUL and Showing GRATITUDE

What does it mean to be grateful? What does it mean to show gratitude? If someone had asked me these questions a few years ago I would have probably said that being grateful meant that you took nothing for granted and showing gratitude was to show thanks to those for whom you were grateful for. Now while this still holds true for me, I have a much deeper understanding of being grateful and showing gratitude – and here it goes.

Two weeks ago I embarked on a new journey with MetoMoi and officially launched my Women’s Wellness and Empowerment Circle. Kicking the circle off with a meet & greet, I opened my heart and let my vulnerability shine as I welcomed women into a space who were interested and perhaps a bit intrigued at what a health coach was and what the 8 week session would entail.  Coming in with no expectation (because that eliminates disappointment) I connected with women whom I didn’t know but had a willingness and desire to begin living their optimal life.

As  I told my story, shared a little bit of who I was (wife, mom, daughter…you know all the social labels we create for ourselves) explained what I did professionally, clarified what a health coach was, while creating the space for these women to speak their story, I found myself very in tune to the words that I was saying. Not because what I was saying didn’t make sense to me or wasn’t true, but because here I was ACTUALLY living out something that seemed like such a dream only a short while ago.

I mean I need to be real about who I am. I am a planner. I am someone who for the most part takes calculated risks. Though I may be wild in personality, I am detailed and meticulous in the steps I take in most circumstances and yet here I was amongst these women in a space where they were seeking my wisdom, my knowledge, my expertise, my strength, my guidance… like HOLY FUCK!

There is something very sobering about knowing that when you come from a place of authenticity, love and vulnerability, that true gratitude presents itself.

I am grateful because I am living my purpose. I am grateful because I am no longer allowing myself to hide from my gift. I am grateful because I know I am in alignment. And I am showing gratitude by showing up in a real way for these women as they deposit into their greatness.

Love is the Addition. Self-Love is the Completion.

So today I shared an article that said “Jada Pinkett-Smith says her inner circle is a representation of your self-love”. While I didn’t have the time to read it, the title alone resonated with me as I reflected on the many women in my life that have been ridin’ for me for years -loving me, supporting me, empowering me and encouraging me to go beyond even the limits I set for myself.

Fast forward about 9 hours from when I shared the post, I am now sitting in my kitchen alone (my kids are at my in-laws for the night and hubby it out with a friend – TGI muthafuckin FriYAY!) I am enjoying a nice cold glass of Perrier eating some amazing Lebanese and reading her article. As I peruse through her words of love and encouragement I get stuck on a paragraph. It says “when there is no one left to blame for your deficit of joy, energy, and passion, you have to realize that maybe, the culprit of your unhappiness wasn’t your man, your job, or your circumstances. That culprit was you.” Well shut the front door!

As I read that paragraph yet another time, I can’t help but think about all the times I put my power in someone’s else hand. You see, we seek and in some circumstances demand acceptance, acknowledgement, encouragement and love from others, and yet when it is not given or delivered in a manner that we deem right or appropriate we quickly denounce the person or thing as not being capable of fulfilling our need. But I ask you to think about this. How are we really capable of condemning someone for not loving us the right way if we can’t measure their love against our own yardstick.

I mean how many damn movies out there play out the same way. Woman loves man. Man loves woman. Woman is frustrated because she feels like man doesn’t love her enough. Man asks woman what does she want and need. Woman has no fucking clue! You want to know why she has no clue. She has no clue because the movie missed the most important part of the story. Woman loves herself enough that man’s love is the addition NOT the completion.

Self-love is fundamental to self-care. If you don’t love yourself then what desire do you have to take care of yourself. If you don’t love yourself, what desire do you have to invite only authentic and good people into your space. If you don’t love yourself, how do you know when it is time to rid yourself of the things that don’t bring value to your life. The truth is – you don’t. Instead you waste your time in relationships and interactions that bring you nothing but stress and devalue you.

Is this a perfect science – absolutely not. I mean let’s be real- I love the hell outta myself and I still encounter shitty people. The difference is, it stays solely as an encounter!

The love you have for yourself should be the measuring stick by which you measure all of your relationships. And when you come to a place where the love you have for yourself runneth over, then you need not worry about who is in your circle – because the right ones will be there.

Basking in My Purpose

If you were required to tell someone what you appreciated and/or loved about yourself what would you tell them? Would you tell them that you were a kind person, or that you had a great sense of humor? Would you tell them that you were a caring friend, or had a commanding presence? Or would you look at them blankly… unsure of your power and greatness! Cause here is the raw truth. As mothers, daughters, sisters, partners and friends our ability to love, empower, carry, support, appreciate and lead those around us knows no limit and yet when asked to fill our own cup we don’t know what to do, nor do we always feel worthy. Why?

As we navigate the world believing that our purpose is to find our place in this world, the truth is YOUR place is in the world YOU create for YOURSELF.

My Story

A little over a year ago I decided to embark on a transformative journey. Now I know this sounds super existential and profound, but always wanting to keep things real I was a year away from turning 40 (I am officially 40 now!!) and wanted to roll into my 40s looking incredible! For those who know me, health and wellness has always been a part of my life, but what I desired was physical transformation that included weight and body fat loss. Did I get what I worked very hard for – yes! Did I get more than what I had bargained for – absolutely! You see beyond the recognition that I could follow a good exercise plan and change my eating to optimize my physical performance, I became profoundly aware of my purpose and most importantly that the path that would lead me to MOI was gloriously dictated by me and me alone! You see too often what we are seeking in others is what we must require from ourselves. Love, support, gratitude, appreciation are great things to have from others, but imagine the power in giving that to yourself.

What is your purpose? What is your power? What does optimal health mean to you? How do you self-care? What is your desire to become an elevated version of yourself? How do you put yourself FIRST?

Starting October 15, and in collaboration with Afiwi Groove School I am embarking on another journey to support wome as they take their first step in transforming from Me to Moi! Explore the true power of self-care as your conduit to self-love, self-awareness and self-actualization.

Stay tuned for more information on how to sign up for Afiwi Groove’s Women’s Empowerment and Wellness Circle.

“The fist step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not goimg to stay where you are” ~ unknown

#MetoMoi.Health

The Beauty of Failure

“Failing is not a disgrace unless you make it the last chapter of your book” ~ Jack Hytes

Isn’t crazy that as we get older the lessons that seem to have the biggest impact on us are the things we have tried to avoid our whole life up until now! I mean think about it. When you were younger and coming of age, what did your parents tell you about failure? I am not sure what you heard from your parents, but growing up with west indian parents – failing was like using the word ‘fuck’ – it just didn’t happen! And if it did happen – it was your ass!

I was definitely a product of my environment and feared the outcome of failing. One because it was not something that was acceptable, two my mother did not fuck around (sidenote she is so much more chill with my kids…lol) but more because it had such a negative association to it. Failing at anything – be it sports, a test, a job – wasn’t a reflection of your effort. Absolutely not! It was the outcome of your inadequacies or a reflection of where you struggled, or had difficulty or just didn’t make it up to snuff.

But as I walk into my 40s with grace, confidence and a real understanding of who I am, I have come to a place where failure is a hidden treasure.

Beyond failure being a part of life, the real question is what doors does it open to TRUE self-awareness. Imagine embracing the beauty of failure over fearing it? Do you have any idea the kind of time one could save themselves and the stress that could be avoided! My truth is…Failure led me to the world of human services ( I failed my LSATs). Failure led me to traditional chinese medicine (I struggled to get pregnant the 1st time). Failure led me to my husband (23 years and counting!) All of my life’s blessings are because I failed at something, and rather than focusing on what was not “achieved” I took the opportunity to learn something new about myself. I let the failure be my opportunity to also say that what I thought I wanted in fact was not my desire, or want or purpose, but what I believed was the right thing to seek – hence why I failed.

You know what failure really is. It’s the outcome of not being honest and authentic with yourself. When we do things because it is what we are “supposed” to do, or what is “expected” of us – yeah maybe we achieved the “goal” but were we actually successful. Personally I would say no. And the reason I say no is because the only thing that one could learn in a situation like this is that you know how to get from point a to point b. The real lesson in any circumstance is what did you learn about yourself.

I embrace failure the way I embrace the word “FUCK” – it just adds the extra je ne said quoi!

Failure, like success is just another avenue to self-discovery, self-actualization, self-awareness and self-love. Never hide or be ashamed of it, but be open to the possibilities that show itself.

Emancipate Yourself

I want you to do something for me. Close your eyes and think about all the things that have impacted you negatively over the last week. Whether it was something that was said to you or something you heard someone say about you or a vibe you picked up from someone or just simply it is a space you have been in for awhile, how did it make you feel physically, mentally, psychologically even spiritually? How did you address it? How did you get past it? Are you even past it?

Cause here is real talk. While many of us often say we don’t care about how others perceive us, how people receive us, what people think about us and what people say about us – the truth is we do care and it does have an impact on us. Do you know how many times I have found myself at the receiving end of someone’s bullshit and acted like it didn’t bother me and I didn’t give a fuck, yet all I did was reenact how I really wanted the outcome to be -like me getting on bad and giving them a piece  of my mind! Ya’ll may be laughing, but I am sure this has also been a situation you have found yourself in.

You see the concept of holistic self-care dictates that including healthy eating, moving our bodies and putting ourselves first, emancipating ourselves of negative self talk, people’s bullshit and actually NOT giving a fuck puts us on a trajectory to peace, power and positivity. Think about this dichotomy. As we rear our children (whether you are the parent, guardian or part of the village) what do we always tell our children? Do not allow other people’s negativity to impact you. People may say hurtful and mean things, but their sentiments or opinion about you are their own. We drill this shit into ur kids heads. We speak of our own experiences when we were that age or even create scenarios they may be confronted with, but what remains consistent is our determination to build a protective layer around them where negativity cannot penetrate. Yet as we get older, become more in tune to our surroundings and fully aware of the world around us, the lessons that we have worked so hard to teach our kids is somehow null and void in how we take-in negativity. So what the hell gives?

Disclaimer: Everything that I am about to say from here to the end of this blog is my opinion and my opinion only. What I say is not grounded in evidence only personal experience and observation.

What gives is that as we get older we begin to create more labels for ourselves. We are mothers, wives, friends, lovers, girlfriends, doctors, engineers, pilots, flourists and the list goes on. With the creation of every label comes a list of expectations that are associated with that title. And within these expectations are limits of how we are to behave, how we are to present ourselves, what we are supposed to say and what we are not supposed to say. When we start to act outta pocket (I love that term and have literally been waiting forever to use it in a blog…lol)  or go against the created grain WE start to self-judge and self-hate leaving ourselves (and sometimes inviting) vulnerable to negativity. It is not that we are seeking for bad shit to happen to us, but we are certainly creating the conditions for negative things to come our way. Certainly we must hold ourselves accountable for how we show up in the world. I am definitely not saying that you have the right to act like a complete jackass, but what I am saying is emancipate yourself of the expectations determined by your labels and just be you. Understand that people may not like you. They may not want to be around you. Fuck they may even make it their business to let others know who they believe you to be – but yo – when you live in your truth, we live in the state that we work so hard to build for our children.

As of midnight tonight I am officially 26 days away from turning 40, and will be another 26 days emancipated of anyone’s negative bullshit. Have I always been in this place – hell fuckin no. As a matter a fact – there was a time in my life where I allowed labels to stifle who I was in an attempt to make others comfortable with who I was. While those moments were filled with allot of negative inner dialogue and turmoil, I am grateful for those moments because I know where I will never be again.

You see, the idea of emancipating yourself isn’t about declaring your freedom to those who wish to or have created hardship for you. Au contraire. The power of emancipating yourself is the changed inner dialogue that when someone tries to get outta pocket with you, the ONLY thing you ask yourself is if you remembered to unplug the kettle before you left your house this morning!

#idontgiveafuck